Decay

Of the self:

[in medias res]

Dark nights trying to sleep stomach on fire
Delusional from hunger so I couldn't get tired
Imagining the equalizer going from green to red
Words that rhyme together just appear all in my head
And I'm sorta like Neo with the Matrix codes
I try to escape it hoping the drugs'll numb my soul
Say I'm getting old, time's running out
Repeating instrumentals trying to figure patterns out
I never leave the house ain't slept in three days
Popping pills, writing, drinking and smoking hay
Weaving kicks and snares, trying to dodge these hooks
Keeping it original something that's overlooked
The way a - going might go out like Sam Cooke
Or locked up calling home for money on my books
'Cause if this shit don't work - I failed at life
Turning to these drugs now these drugs turned my life
And it's the downward spiral, got me suicidal
But too scared to do it so these pills will be the rifle
Surpassing all my idols, took the wrong turn
But can't go back now so let the blunt burn
'Cause now it's my turn if I fuck it all up
It took a while to get here now I depend on these drugs
I took a while to get here now I depend on these drugs

--Danny Brown, "XXX"
(adapted from the transcription at Rap Genius)


Of another:

Death is on the telephone
I lie and say she isn't home
If only he would make a move, instead
He sleeps in her bed

I waste away my days with you
I'd rather spend them like you do
All skin and bones but in your eyes
I say to you, you're still alive

You can tell me time will heal
But you don't know the way I feel
I never had imagined death
Beyond the vague and cold last breath
But now I see his many forms
The way he builds up like a storm
And all the pain and all the sighs
The world in my mother's eyes
In her eyes

--Dum Dum Girls, "Caught In One"


And yet, two of last year's most vital moments in music. There are some people I'm so glad number among the living. They have music, and we have them.


Mildred Pierce, Todd Haynes, 2011.